grief is a stone

an application

I once heard, I think on a Jay Shetty Podcast that grief is like a stone in your pocket that you always have to carry around with you. as time passes the stone does not get smaller you just get used to it and suddenly the extra weight doesn’t seem so heavy anymore, and you feel lighter despite the presence of your stone.

I have never seen grief explained so accurately.

i’ve had my fair share of grief I hope would last me for a lifetime, and at the first instance my action was to send it on its way, I used to literally go to God and beg Him to heal me of the grief that was in my heart, I wanted the dark sorrowful days to be over and the joy that comes in the morning or so everyone promised.

when I eventually got a bit of my life together and started to see the sun shine and the good things that I had in my life that I could be appreciative of, the days when the grief would come so suddenly started to make me feel like I was a fluke and I truly hadn’t escaped. oh how I wish I could hug the 18 year old version of myself who could not understand why her great friends and perfect scores did not cut away the nagging flesh of grief that was itched into her heart.

I recently spoke to a man who had lost his mother about grief and told him that he should sit with that feeling and to my surprise he replied that a healthcare worker had told him to not think on it, that doing so would make him feel depressed, and although I did not say it to his face I found that quiet disturbing.

we as humans (especially Nigerians) do not like the word depression its like a synonym to the devil or satan but like my ex-therapist said, it is simply the bodies response to a traumatic event, the same thing as a fever or cough. I have learned that it is easier to run away from these feelings like depression or anxiety, but the gag is, you cannot outrun something that is only pursuing you, something that most of the time will not be in your control, it will surely meet up with you. and to my christians in the front you cannot out pray or cast out depression.

please learn to seat with these feelings and walk through them, yes I know and understand that in most cases you can get trapped in them and never find a way out but I believe if that happens it means you are still running away from the truth of these feels, which sometimes are along the lines of “I am sad” “I lost someone who meant a whole lot to me” “I am feeling anxious about what my life would be like now” and so on. this sounds corny but you have to give yourself permission to be sad or angry and I promise you it the most normal thing in the world.

maybe when you stop disassociating yourself with the trauma you’ve been through then you can finally find the light at the end of the tunnel, at least in my car that’s what happened. I had to sit down with my depression, anxiety and fear find out the root cause and then dispute the idea or feeling. I looked high and low for evidenced that proved that yes this happened to me but I will be fine, this is when (if you’re christian) you find solace in the Word of God which tells you that He will nor forsake you when you go through the fire or your hard times and this is what gave me comfort to move on or rather, move through the grief.

the reason I am an advocate for sitting with your depression is that the person you become on the other side of depression is beautiful, its like a reptile shedding new skin and possibly turning into a new person, and you need that new person for whatever next stage in your life that you have to undergo. please don’t deny yourself a chance at a new and beautiful life because you want cannot sit with your grief.

if you are currently grieving the loss of someone in your life I truly am sorry for you and I hope you can understand that some days would be bright and others dark but sooner than later the grief will become to seem lighter as you carry it with you, it would no more weigh you down like a burden in your heart and you would learn to move through and your life will still seem so beautiful

all my love
s.l